Most of us look forward to a social engagement whether it be a birthday celebration, a family gathering or work event. While the buzz and excitement may be eagerly anticipated by extroverts, the introverts among us will approach a busy social calendar with trepidation and quiet reluctance.
Spectrum rather than rigid labels
Today, introversion and extroversion are recognized more as a spectrum than two rigid categories (Petric, 2022). Many identify as ambiverts – defined as having the characteristics of both personality types. This implies that our personality traits are not fixed and that aspects of the two contrasting personality orientations may emerge depending on our mood, energy levels and environmental demands.
According to the theory of prominent personality psychologist Dr. Brian Little, there are nuances in personality traits as different social situations may influence us to act ‘out of character’ (Little, 2008; Free Trait Theory). While Dr. Little believes we can act against our biology to further our personal or professional goals, it can come with psychological repercussions for the individual who is acting out of character. For example, an introvert who acts like an extrovert will eventually experience burnout if they do not retreat to a “restorative niche” – a quiet space to return to their biological baseline.
Although there are unique differences and strengths in the way both personalities approach socializing, introverts feel they are at a seeming disadvantage when in settings that require loud self-promotion, sharp banter and quick replies. Modern environments are often constructed to accommodate the ones who are highly expressive and outgoing (extroverts), while people who approach social engagements with intentional boundaries and thoughtful preparation might feel left in the background.
Social activities that extroverts often find exhilarating, exciting and fun can be tiring, dull and overwhelming to an introvert. The reasons for this are clearly backed by science. Studies have shown that extraverted behavior, which has many benefits, also has mentally depleting effects. The idea that social interactions require effort is very much a reality, and for those who process social interactions differently, it can prove more draining if not approached mindfully.
Introversion vs. social anxiety
Let’s clarify a common misconception: Introversion and social anxiety are not the same thing. Introversion is a personality type that involves someone preferring to be alone or in smaller groups because social situations can deplete their energy levels. A person with social anxiety often feels a desire to interact with others but avoids social situations because of an intense, persistent fear of being judged or rejected.
Even though socializing may seem less appealing to an introvert, it’s a crucial part of maintaining mental health and personal growth. This understanding stems back to ancient philosophy across continents, with one recognized philosopher, Aristotle, who reflected that man can only ever truly thrive or reach their full potential by participating in community (Aristotle; Politics, Book I). As humans, irrespective of personality types, we simply cannot live or grow without feeling accepted by or connected to a group. Community therefore requires effort and interaction.
We offer a few helpful suggestions to help introverts navigate more comfortably in social settings, find connection and preserve social battery.
Know what’s coming, plan ahead
Planning is an important part of reducing social pressures. Mapping out a clear schedule of your social events will help clarify and prepare you for what’s to come. Familiarizing yourself with the event program will also help reduce anxiety on the day itself. Take some time to consider the event program and decide how long you intend to stay. Set clear boundaries for yourself at the event and know when is a good time to leave. Introverts find social engagements more taxing due to a heightened sensitivity to external stimuli; setting healthy boundaries is a very important way of protecting your introspective well-being. And sometimes it’s completely okay to be selective and decline invitations.
When at the event…
Avoid casual small talk
Introverts are more sensitive to sensory inputs than extroverts, which, in the real world, means that introverts find it more challenging to process highly engaging social settings. However, introverts can add a beautiful element to a gathering, as research shows, introverts demonstrate a strong capacity to forge deep and meaningful relationships.
Instead of interacting with larger groups, focus more on one or two conversations. Introverts usually process things more carefully and observe more closely, so connecting through a one-on-one conversation will feel more deliberate and rewarding.
Arrive early
Arrive a little earlier to the event to get more comfortable with unfamiliar surroundings. Stepping into a space that is unknown can be overwhelming, so do your utmost to familiarize yourself with the setting of the event. Introverts can be more influenced by environmental factors so exploring the space will give you a head-start in knowing where in the room fits your preferences for lighting, noise levels and so on.
Additional tip: Ask to participate in preparation of the event. Positive tasks will serve as a healthy distraction and provide an opportunity for you to get more comfortable with the host in and around the space. Taking initiative like this will create mindful preparedness for when guests turn up later.
Take frequent breaks when needed
Step away from the event when you feel you need to. Taking micro breaks for fresh air is a great way of helping recharge before going back into a busy setting. If the surrounding space is visually appealing, find a moment to take pictures, which is a good chance to engage in a purposeful, solo activity. Take a slow-motion walk to the restroom to freshen up. But be aware that a micro break in the washroom is only possible if the space is quiet enough – we have all walked into a bathroom with traffic and noise levels that could have easily rivaled the main event outside. If the bathroom is not a calm enough space, turn back and take a longer detour through the venue, finding time to pause and appreciate any interesting artworks on display; this will sharpen your focus for when you return to the gathering.
Mindfulness practices
If you feel a social situation becoming increasingly uncomfortable, take a moment to practice mindfulness. At times when overwhelming thoughts may crowd your mind and heighten the stress response, taking slow, even breaths can help regain clarity, calm and balance. Try to pay more attention to the present moment with interest rather than judgement. Take a minute to focus on the space rather than the people in it. Calmly notice the colors and patterns of the interior space to gently distract your mind away from the guests and noise. Practice mindful listening by giving your full attention to the person you are speaking with. Allowing the speaker to feel valued and heard will create a far more authentic, meaningful social experience.
After the event…
Take time to recharge to avoid social fatigue
The size of the group and the duration of time spent with others can directly affect a person’s energy levels. Understanding group dynamics is key to how both groups (introverts and extroverts) handle certain situations. After a social engagement, try to resume your routine and schedule alone-time to help support recovery after heightened external stimuli. Introverts draw energy from themselves. Practicing self-care, such as finding time for a walk in nature, reading or listening to soothing music, will help reinvigorate and ease fatigue.
